It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
