Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
