Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
