i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
