i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
