I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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