I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
