just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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