I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
