End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
