Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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