Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
