hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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