you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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