god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
