The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
