lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
