Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
