I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
