i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
