You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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