why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
