I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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