I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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