I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
