there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
