well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
