Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
