My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
