Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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