She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
