try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
