Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
