i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
