battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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