I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
