You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
