I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
