Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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