just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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