Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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