The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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