i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
