Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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