i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
