i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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