I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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