Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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