hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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