so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Where is the hickey?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
