Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
