As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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