The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
