my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
