I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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