My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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