So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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